Burning Inside

There are these spaces inside of me that are so empty. Right now there are probably three or four..............
1.A bond between some people(yes i mean a friend bond)
2.Excitement
3.Knowledge
4.Attractiveness(is that a word?)

As far as a bond I mean there are some people in this world I wish I had a stronger bond with. Just mainly because I have voids to fill. These peoples names will not be posted as well as age gender or relationship to me to just keep this blog as private as possible when it comes to others and no release forms. Anyway some people right now in this world believe that I shouldn't hang out with some people because of a difference between me and them. I really believe that, that is none of their concern. I know that sounds harsh, but sometimes they need to back up. My dad is a minister and all the time he talks about three types of business. Yours, others and gods. When they tell me who I can and can't hang out with it's intruding in my business. It's not nice. Sometimes I do think that they are jealous and don't want me to leave them. I do need to branch out though. It's really not fair to make me keep the same friends all my life and not gain any.

When I say excitement I am meaning me getting bored all the time. Do some of you all ever get tired of seeing your same old house or bed or the same channels on your TV? My parents don't know it, but that's why I am always out with friends. I get tired of seeing the same things. That is why I want new clothes all the time. I am a developing girl who tries to keep up with all things changing in this world. I know it sounds silly, but it's true. I want the thrill of having so many friends and plans. I want to be able to say "no we did so much stuff yesterday, let's just stay home", but I can't because I do that all day anyway. It just bugs me.

Knowledge is something needed when getting through life and I personally feel I don't have any. I know that sounds funny, but it's true. This summer I have heard so many people say all these deep things that mean so much, but when I talk I sound so southern. I make myself look like a fool. It's the sad truth I'm afraid. I want to know how everyone gets all this information and how they keep it all. Sometimes I comprehend things and understand and then after twenty minutes it goes out my ears, into outer space. It's crazy yes I know, but for now that's Shelly and I'm not happy about that.

Attractiveness is a big part of my life. The people I hang out with for the most part care about what they look like. Crazy right. No! We dress to impress where I come from. A lot of people say "No I do it to be comfortable", but I know that more than half of those people are the same to renew their makeup all the time, wherever, whenever. We like to do things fancy style even though we are "southern". Even though we do it big here in the south I have some doubts about myself, I really don't feel like I am an attractive person. I feel if you connected the pimples and zits you could create a dinosaur. I always slouch and I have an annoying voice if I talk too much. My eyebrows look like they were in a fight and they both lost. My nose is so wide that if you took a picture of my face from the downward angle you could see my brain. My legs are too short and always look funny. My arms are funny looking. I have funny looking toes and everything feels so weird. I really don't like my body. A lot of people say "Shelly your really pretty don't let anyone tell you otherwise", but I don't feel that way. I only like my smile when my hair is down, but besides that I just don't like my body.

So these were the examples of the many problems I have with myself and other people. I'm a maniac I know, but I really can't help it.

POST ADVICE ON COMMENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!
P.S. THE PLAY IS GOING GREAT

LOVE YA GUYS!!!!!!!!
PEACERRSS!!